After months of stagnant voting for Speaker of the House, here’s how Kevin McCarthy can save face.
How Kevin McCarthy can save face: sure-fire tips for another stubborn man who never concedes!
10. WEAR A BAG OVER YOUR HEAD!
9. DON’T GO NEAR YOUR CLASS REUNION!
8. GET RUDY GIULIANI & ROGER STONE TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP!
7. GET SYMPATHY LIKE SPEAKER JOHN BOEHNER DID: SHAMPOO WITH “NO TEARS”!
6. FAKE A HEART ATTACK AT NEXT ‘VOTE COUNT’ SO WE CAN WATCH MATT GAETZ GIVE MOUTH-TO-MOUTH!
5. CAUSE A DISTRACTION: WRESTLE JIM JORDAN WHEN HE VOTES FOR HIMSELF!
4. WRAP YOURSELF AROUND THE AMERICAN FLAG & SHOUT ‘THE BRITISH ARE COMING’, ‘THE BRITISH ARE COMING’!
3. MY ADVICE: TELL THE WIFE THE COUCH IS LUMPY!
2. *MEET NANCY PELOSI SECRETLY IN CLOAKROOM WITH VALENTINE CHOCOLATES!
*WARNING: Only emergency measure!
And, #1 TIP TO YOU, KEVIN McCARTHY…
MAKE A CALL TO ‘THE PROUD BOYS’!
- Yours Truly Talks with the Man Upstairs! - November 25, 2024
- ‘Bacon in Every BLT!’ Campaign Promise Makes Pigs Nervous - November 15, 2024
- SHOCK Treatment: Top 10 Election Day Remedies to Snap Out of It! - November 7, 2024