Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)
In yet another unfortunate incident for Trump cabinet secretaries, the nation’s treasury funds were whisked away by a common car thief.
It has been a rough stretch for several members of President Donald Trump’s inner circle. First, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth shared battle plans with his wife and Bridge Club on a public messaging platform. Then Homeland Security chief Kristi Noem had her purse stolen while visiting a DC burger joint.
Now the worst has happened. Secretary of the Treasury Scott Bessent recently loaded all the Treasury cash, $2.3 trillion, into the trunk of his BMW and was taking it crosstown, when he stopped to get a double cone at the local Dairy Queen and someone stole his car.
DC police found the car abandoned but the cash was gone.
Bessent stated that he was in a poker game with other cabinet members when he was dealt a hand of four aces. He let the Secret Service guard his hand, got the treasury funds so he could go all in and quadruple the funds. He said that he will jabbo a loan from Elon Musk to replace the money.
Breaking News
President Trump orders FBI to arrest Supreme Court for Obstruction of Justice.
SNN Words to Live By
“Smile just as long as it pays.” — Singer Tom Waits.
“Never put starch in Chicken Chow Mein.” — Comedian Red Buttons.
“The worst thing you can do is reach your September years and realize that you blew July and August.” — Comedian Pat Buttram.
The Question
In the early days of television, every cowboy hero had a favorite horse. Match the hero with his horse:
- Roy Rogers
- Hopalong Cassidy
- Gene Autry
- Zorro
- Annie Oakley
- Dale Evans
- Cisco Kid
- Tonto
- Jim Hardee
- Buffalo Bill Jr.
- Range Rider
- Brave Eagle
A. White Cloud
B. Chief
C. Rawhide
D. Trigger
E. Topper
F. Champion
G. Tornado
H. Target
I. Buttermilk
J. Diablo
K. Scout
L. Jubilee
- All US Treasury Funds Stolen While Treasury Secretary Visits Dairy Queen - May 1, 2025
- Easter Bunny Explains Why There Were ‘No Damn Free Eggs This Easter’ - April 22, 2025
- After Illegal Aliens, Trump Plans to Deport Democrats - April 15, 2025
