Trump's Last 10 Distractions! - Marilyn Sands, Humor Times

Trump’s Last 10 Distractions, which he set aside to throw people off his scent!

I know, I know! We thought Trump would run out of distractions, but we were all wrong!

If anything, Trump has been prolific – in a maniacal Hannibal Lecter obsessive sort of way. All I can say is, his Insomnia is paying off for him!

Little did we know Trump had a cache of these babies ready to launch: a big stack before the 2026 Midterm Elections, a smaller stack if he becomes a lame duck & these 10 distractions for his last days in office whichever comes first! haha

Actually, ‘distractions’ are what saved Trump all these years!

Half of America bought them – the other half are reading this article! haha

Well, what do you call the bombing of Iran’s Nuclear Shopping Mall?
The shot on his Ear?
Or, his Caddy ‘Dropping the Ball’ at the golf course!

That’s right – as long as he’s in the news & not talking about ‘Epstein’ – he doesn’t care how it plays!

Hitler had a ‘Distraction List’ too! But, ‘The Cyanide Caper’ was spur of the moment & a surprise even to him!

Someone even heard Eva Braun say, ‘Yum, a Jelly Belly’! haha

Trump: “My Last 10 Distractions I Held In Reserve”

10. ‘Melania is Pregnant’!

‘She can’t keep her hands off me’! haha

9. ‘I finally got a Dog! Does Renting count’?

8. ‘I lost 100 pounds…in my ankles’!

7. ‘Hangnail! I want “The Purple Heart”! Going to Walter Reed overnight for observation’!

6. ‘During a Civil War Reenactment – I’m bringing in the National Guard to restart the war! I could end it’!

5. ‘Asskissing’ is up 1,000%. Thanks, but please stop – there’s no more room! Alternative: ‘Wanna Watch”?

4. ‘If you ever changed my sheets or did my Laundry – remember you’re still under our ‘PDA Agreement’ or your house will get raided! BTW, that’s a Hershey Bar Stain’!

3. ‘ ‘Money Laundering Day’ has been changed to whenever the hell Governor Newsom gets off my friggin’ case’!

2. ‘Breaking News! There’ll be an emergency electrical grid blackout on Sept. 3rd during the ‘Epstein Victims Press Conference’ – play Pickleball instead’!

And my #1 Announcement Dems Think is a Distraction…

‘No Tariffs for ‘Heinz’ Company…

I proclaim ‘Ketchup on a Tie…is Patriotic’!

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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands is a former 80's Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker. Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights. Was up one night & wrote 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play. Her hilarious book "CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS" On-Line Dating Straight Lines is on amazon.com/dp/1733487409And, "OWNING THE STAGE, RENTING THE BALLS"!My Life as a Funny Girlis on amazon.com/dp/1733487417"Living proofyou don't have to be a success to write a Memoir"!And yes, this bio is my OBIT too!haha