Romney, Flush With Success, to Extend World Tour
Wants to show more countries ‘How we roll in the US’ Mitt Romney, after triumphantly sharing his expertise with the Brits, promoting World War III in Israel, and … Read more
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Ralph Lauren Apologizes to Mitt Romney for Chinese-Made Yarmulke
Romney blames Obama campaign Ralph Lauren has found himself in another tight spot this weekend when it was revealed that the yarmulkes he designed for Romney’s visit to … Read more
Royal Tweets Lend Air of Respectability to Commoner Pastime
The Queen tweets her way through London’s Opening Ceremonies LONDON — Through a little investigative journalism here, and a little bribe there, this reporter was able to obtain … Read more
Steroid Use Gets Satirist Banned from Covering 2012 Olympics
Johnny B. Rotten, a writer who makes his living making fun of the people who make the world an interesting place to live, has officially been banned from … Read more
First Suicide Bomber Union Formed In Iraq
Initial union meeting described as a ‘real blast’ Union-minded Iraqis today formed the Suicide Bombers Local #467 in Baghdad, but promptly had to look for a new union … Read more
Mark Zuckerberg Begs Businesses to Quit Giving Him Free Stuff
‘Enough already with the gifts,’ says Facebook’s Zuckerberg, ‘and don’t Poke me either’ Ever since Mark Zuckerberg joined the ranks of the uber rich, he’s been receiving free … Read more
Charlton Heston Rises from the Grave to Promote “Guns, Guns, Guns” in Wake of Batman Shooting
‘Guns don’t kill people, crazy fools we let buy them do’ — Charlton Heston’s zombie The iconic movie matinee idol Charlton Heston has risen from the dead like … Read more
Expert Says Moldy Bible Likely Source of Michele Bachmann Outbursts
Batsh*t crazy? Minnesota congresswoman has an excuse, signed by her doctor: The mold made her do it As the calls continue to mount for Michele Bachmann to apologize … Read more
A Strange and Sordid Mystery: Hardcore Environmentalists Support Fracking in California
A strange new development has occurred in the continued battle between the oil industry and environmentalists over the use of fracking. Fracking, for those unfamiliar with the term, … Read more
‘Smart’ Chewing Gum Could Put America on Top in Education
A new startup company by the name of PharmaPend is in the business of seeking out passed over and forgotten scientific patent filings and developing them into name-brand … Read more
