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Jul 222016
 By , July 22, 2016
Near Miss at RNC: Tennis Ball Server Plot Averted

Camouflaged pink robot and redneck assault rifle army saves day against tennis ball plot. Inside, Donald Trump screamed at America, trying his best to scare everyone into voting for a guy who has no experience in government, but makes big money in his specialty, building [more…]

Jul 172016
 By , July 17, 2016
Olympics Dealt a Blow by Pokémon Go

The new Pokémon Go smart phone app is jeopardizing one of the year’s biggest events — the Olympic Games. Unless you have been in a coma for the last few weeks, you’re probably well aware of the new craze that’s sweeping the world: Pokémon Go. [more…]

Jul 152016
 By , July 15, 2016
Roll of Duct Tape Named Trump's New Communications Director

An ongoing effort to professionalize the unconventional Trump campaign has resorted to some rather unconventional strategies. In a further effort to professionalize their unconventional campaign, the Trump team today named a utility grade roll of silver Duct Tape as their new director of communications. Campaign [more…]

Jul 132016
 By , July 13, 2016
It's Official: Melania Trump is a 'Public Health Crisis'

Red-faced GOP’s anti-pornography amendment would ban images of America’s future First Model, Melania Trump. NYC – Republican Party leaders were crimson-faced yesterday after their platform committee adopted an “anti-pornography” amendment censoring well-known images of Mrs Melania Trump.  As Donald Trump’s third wife, Mrs Trump is [more…]

Jun 292016
 By , June 29, 2016
Fox News Wants Clinton-Trump Debate in Benghazi

Benghazi is perfect place for fair and balanced presidential debate, according to Fox News CEO Roger Ailes. WASHINGTON — Today, Fox News announced it wanted to host a presidential debate between Republican Donald Trump and Democrat Hillary Clinton in Benghazi, Libya. The spurious news network [more…]

Jun 262016
 By , June 26, 2016
Trump to Sell Presidency, Cabinet Offices, After Election

‘That’s how a businessman runs a country – he makes a buck or three,’ asserted GOP nominee Donald Trump. ‘Besides, I’ve invested hundreds of my own dollars, and need to recoup them.’ NYC – Donald Trump announced today that immediately after taking office in January [more…]