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Feb 032016
 By , February 3, 2016
It's an Epidemic! CDC Acts in Response to Affluenza Outbreak

‘Affluenza is a real pathology, afflicting thousands of poor, wealthy people.’ – CDC NEW YORK – The Center for Disease Control went into emergency session today to counter what one source called “the galloping Affluenza epidemic” sweeping through the nation’s ruling class. First detected 2013 [more…]

Jan 312016
 By , January 31, 2016
Hollywood Shock Horror: Barbie and Ken are Splitting Up!

Ken says he is transgender and Barbie claims the right to ‘Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of a Penis’ HOLLYWOOD, CA – Tinseltown was shaken to its foundations tonight when famed common-law couple Barbie and Ken Mattel, who for years have enchanted the childhoods of [more…]

Jan 222016
 By , January 22, 2016
Koch Brothers' Big Move: Attempting to Buy Way into Heaven

By pulling their considerable campaign donation sums, and putting it into orphanages, the Koch brothers hope to restart their own, heavenly, campaigns. Charles and David Koch made an astounding 360 today when they announced that they would pull all their money out of the 2016 [more…]

Jan 212016
 By , January 21, 2016
Prime Time for Palin

“I am responsible for every sound bite Trump has given.” – Sarah Palin “We’re gonna knock your socks off, America!” said Sarah Palin, as she signed napkins for customers at the Lock ‘N Load Dinner in Wasilla, Alaska. “Are you nervous about how the press [more…]

Jan 182016
 By , January 18, 2016
Justin Trudeau Denies Ted Cruz was Ever Born in Canada

Waves of revulsion overwhelm Canada after claims that Ted Cruz was actually born in Calgary OTTAWA, CANADA — Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau today forcefully insisted at a press conference that “under no circumstances whatever could Ted Cruz possibly have been born in Canada.” Mr [more…]

Jan 082016
 By , January 8, 2016
ISIS to Use Remote-Control Bombs: Suicide Bombers Fuming

Call ISIS decision-makers ‘weak’ and ‘pussies’ A group of suicide bombers have made it known that they are not the least bit happy about a decision made by ISIS leaders to develop remote-control bombs that can kill hundreds of people without one suicide bomber dying. [more…]