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Oct 132014
 
 By , October 13, 2014
Human Robocall Machine Breaks Down

Woman suffers PST after making thousands of anti-Mitch McConnell robocalls A California woman is resting comfortably in LA General Hospital after suffering an ailment that until now had only manifested in soldiers fighting in overseas battles. “She appears to have all the symptoms of battle [more...]

Oct 072014
 
 By , October 7, 2014
Riots and Mayhem After Scientists Announce Lab-Grown Penis

‘Designer Dicks’ to be tested on penis-envying volunteers WINSTON-SALEM NC — Civil unrest broke out today at the gates of the Wake Forest Institute for Regenerative Medicine, Winston-Salem, NC, following reports that its scientists are ready to try “in-man” trials for their new laboratory-grown penis [more...]

Oct 042014
 
 By , October 4, 2014
Career Fair Day with ISIS

Surprise recruitment effort at recent Career Fair featured offers of free caps, t-shirts and Facebook pokes The annual Cornell University Career Fair Day provides an opportunity for students to meet with representatives from over 250 organizations over a two-day period, and is always well attended. [more...]

Oct 032014
 
 By , October 3, 2014
Donald Chump

Donald Trump, billionaire douchebag, fooled again Donald Trump, the billionaire douchebag, has said he “may sue and severely assault” a Twitter user who fooled him into retweeting a nude image of Rosie O’Donnell. Now labelled Donald Chump, the man with the most heinous hairstyle imaginable [more...]

Sep 282014
 
 By , September 28, 2014
Rush Limbaugh: Clinton Baby a Hoax

Hillary is just trying to generate sympathy with a fake Chelsea Clinton baby, says the porky radio ranter. PALM BEACH, FL — Chelsea Clinton has not given birth, as recently announced, nor was she even pregnant, according to Rush Limbaugh, ranting on his nationally syndicated [more...]

Sep 272014
 
 By , September 27, 2014
Kim Jong-Un Speculation: Undergoing Sex Change?

Could Kim Jong-Un have been unduly influenced by Dennis Rodman? Kim Jong-Un has not made a public appearance for more than three weeks and now some experts have offered a possible explanation: the leader desperately wants a sex change. Since being filmed in July wearing [more...]

Sep 272014
 
 By , September 27, 2014
Tackling Ebola: A 'Refreshing' Cure

Doctor says Sizzurp cure for Ebola should win him the Nobel Prize Dr. Riskee Logan, a medical professional in rural Liberia, has been inundated with Ebola patients. However, although he has been under severe pressure to treat each case, he assures CNN that he has [more...]

Sep 242014
 
 By , September 24, 2014
ISIS to Burn Heretics in Public

‘Beheading is too merciful,’ says ISIS’ Jihad John IRAQ — In their effort to return the world to the 14th century — guns and You Tube excepted — ISIS will begin publicly burning heretics at the stake. Local people will be required to watch and [more...]

Sep 212014
 
 By , September 21, 2014
White House Down

Unannounced visitor causes stir at White House To get into the White House nowadays, one must be as devious as they are intelligent, right? Wrong. You must be able to do just one thing, hop a fence. Unsurprisingly, after Omar “Speedy” Gonzalez, a 42-year-old Texan decided [more...]