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Mar 172017
 By , March 17, 2017
Angela Merkel Belts Out Her True Feelings

BREAKING NEWS: Angela Merkel belted out her true feelings in the shower today. Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany, was recorded singing this variation of “Getting to Know You,” the Rodgers and Hammerstein song from the musical The King and I, in the shower: Getting to know [more…]

Mar 172017
 By , March 17, 2017
March 4th Declared National Opposites Day

“National Opposites Day is a day that will live in infamy, and I’m the first president to say that,” said Trump. In a desperate attempt to move beyond the accusations made by the White House that former President Barack Obama had wiretap surveillance installed at [more…]

Mar 152017
 By , March 15, 2017
Facebook, Moose Concussions and a Bit of Bullwinkle

Alaskan woman, attacked by moose, starts Facebook petition to boycott ‘Rocky and Bullwinkle’ An Alaskan woman who was out feeding her chickens recently was kicked in the head by a moose and has now begun circulating a petition on Facebook to boycott The Rocky and [more…]

Mar 142017
 By , March 14, 2017
Quote Marks Uproar Over 'Abuse and Misuse' by White House

“We mean exactly what we say the words say, not something else like ‘microwave,’” said spokesperson Miriam Webster regarding quote marks, while giving Trump the “air finger.” NYC – Exact Quotations spokesperson Miriam Webster quoth today that her members were in an “existential uproar” following [more…]

Mar 092017
 By , March 9, 2017
Melania Finds 'Last Straw' Loophole for Divorce

“Top Ten Last Straws,” as listed by Melania “My marriage? It’s working like fine-tuned machine,” Melania stalwartly answered when asked last month getting her roots done. But today, it’s a different story, as she was caught off guard pouring over the tabloids in the 10 Items [more…]