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Apr 292016
 By , April 29, 2016
Lucifer, in the Flesh, Welcomes Comparison to Cruz

Satanic Council defiantly embraces Ted Cruz: ‘The miserable son of a bitch is a natural for us!’ says Lucifer. HADES – The Satanic Council today “totally rejected” claims by the “Satanist religious cult” that Lucifer or indeed any of its members were offended by John [more…]

Apr 272016
 By , April 27, 2016
Trump Wins Big with Americans Regretting Not Growing Up in 1930s Germany

Donald Trump pledges to blame socialists and Democrats when the Capitol Building is burned down shortly after he becomes president. WASHINGTON — Today, Republican presidential candidate and fascism-friendly billionaire Donald Trump dominated primary elections in Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island. In all five [more…]

Apr 142016
 By , April 14, 2016
Billionaire Sheldon Adelson Buys The Onion

The big-bucks GOP donor and casino mogul cited Sunday’s Boston Globe anti-Trump front page as the main motivator to purchase The Onion. LAS VEGAS – Casino billionaire Sheldon Adelson announced today that he had “aggressively purchased” The Onion, a satirical “fake news” journal, “for substantially [more…]

Apr 142016
 By , April 14, 2016
GOP to Bring in The Fixer: 'Turd Blossom' Karl Rove

Karl Rove could be the party’s last resort to stop Donald Trump It is common knowledge that Donald Trump continues his popularity among the conservative populace who aren’t buying politics as usual anymore. They are fed up and want to see changes in the system [more…]

Apr 092016
 By , April 9, 2016
BREAKING: Koch Brothers Running for President

The Koch brothers have decided that they will have to be the Republican presidential candidates themselves. An anonymous source has informed this reporter that the Koch brothers are at their wits end with the disaster the candidates have made of the Republican Party, and related [more…]

Apr 092016
 By , April 9, 2016
Trump Plays Hardball for the Baseball Vote: Transcript

The Humor Times has obtained this exclusive transcript of Donald Trump promising to make baseball great again. We’re going to make America’s Game great again. The Dominicans are absolutely killing us. They’re crossing our foul lines and taking roster spots from American players. Folks, they [more…]