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Ripping the Headlines Today, 1/2/2014

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Ripping the Headlines Today, 1/2/2014
Paul Lander
Paul Lander
Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of -- winning the Noble Peace Prize or sending Congolese gynecologist Dr. Denis Mukwege to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of African women in war-torn countries. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has written for Weekly Humorist, National Lampoon, American Bystander, Huff Post Comedy, McSweeney's, Bombeck Writers Workshop Blog and the Humor Times, written and/or produced for multiple TV shows and written standup material that's been performed on Maher, The Daily Show, Colbert, Kimmel, etc. Now, on to Paul's time-commanding Special Forces in Khandahar… (See all of Paul's "Ripping the Headlines Today" columns here.)
Paul Lander
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Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is … Read more

Lost Journal: New Year’s Resolutions for 1979

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Tim Mollen
Tim Mollen
Buy your copy of "Lost Journal - the Book" at www.timmollen.com.Each Lost Journal column is a journal entry written in retrospect. In other words, Mollen chooses a different day from his past, and writes about it as though it were today. The date may be last week, Halloween 1980, or the day he was born (May 4, 1969). Some of you may be asking, “But how would he have been able to write a journal entry on the day he was born?” To you he says: “Lighten up. It’s a humor column.” Mollen is a nationally syndicated columnist and actor, and he is available as a speaker on writing and humor.
Tim Mollen
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Journal entry: January 1, 1979 (age 9) – 1979 New Year’s Resolutions There’s not much time left to make the ’70s a success.  President Carter, Charles Nelson Reilly, … Read more

WILL DURST’$ 2013 XMA$ GIFT WI$H LI$T

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Will Durst
Will Durst
The New York Times says Emmy-nominated comedian and writer Will Durst “is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today.” The Humor Times says "Durst is the Sage of Satire, the Learned Lampooner, the King of Political Satire!" Check his website for upcoming stand-up performance dates. Will's books, including Elect to Laugh! A Hilarious, Common Sense Guide to American Politics are available at Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. From Ulysses Press.
Will Durst
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Will Durst’s curiously refreshing gift wish list It’s the most wonderful time of the year. And finally over. Thank the maker. Because if “The Little Drummer Boy” was … Read more

Lost Journal: New Year’s Resolutions for 1993

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Tim Mollen
Tim Mollen
Buy your copy of "Lost Journal - the Book" at www.timmollen.com.Each Lost Journal column is a journal entry written in retrospect. In other words, Mollen chooses a different day from his past, and writes about it as though it were today. The date may be last week, Halloween 1980, or the day he was born (May 4, 1969). Some of you may be asking, “But how would he have been able to write a journal entry on the day he was born?” To you he says: “Lighten up. It’s a humor column.” Mollen is a nationally syndicated columnist and actor, and he is available as a speaker on writing and humor.
Tim Mollen
Latest posts by Tim Mollen (see all)

Journal entry: January 1, 1993 (age 23) – New Year’s Resolutions, 1993 As a young man in my 20s, I am brimming with idealism and drive.  I will … Read more

Argus Hamilton on the News: Duck Dynasty & Much More!

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Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is the man Robin Williams once called "the Will Rogers of the Baby Boom." Argus' daily column of jokes on the news, now carried in over 100 newspapers across the United States, including the Humor Times, is also read and heard by millions on the Internet and on radio stations across the country.
Argus Hamilton
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In the news: Duck Dynasty, crack-smoking mayor, lottery & more Duck Dynasty’s family patriarch Phil Robertson was put on hiatus by A&E Network after he compared homosexuality to … Read more

Deep in the Bowels of Password Hell

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Will Durst
Will Durst
The New York Times says Emmy-nominated comedian and writer Will Durst “is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today.” The Humor Times says "Durst is the Sage of Satire, the Learned Lampooner, the King of Political Satire!" Check his website for upcoming stand-up performance dates. Will's books, including Elect to Laugh! A Hilarious, Common Sense Guide to American Politics are available at Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. From Ulysses Press.
Will Durst
Latest posts by Will Durst (see all)

Passwords have engulfed our lives like glitter at a fashion show As the new year approaches, many of us in the dimly lit brotherhood of computer clumsoids (and … Read more

The Santafied Shakespeare

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The Santafied Shakespeare
Howard Zaharoff
Howard Zaharoff
Howard Zaharoff reads (a lot), writes (mostly humor), teaches (occasionally) and practices law (doesn't everyone?). He is the author of "Stump Your Lawyer!" (Chronicle 2007), and his work has appeared in The Boston Globe, Wall Street Journal, Amazing Stories, Computerworld, The Journal of Irreproducible Results, The Annals of Improbable Research and the books Growing Up Jewish (Penguin 1987) and Sex As a Heap of Malfunctioning Rubble (and Further Improbabilities) (Workman 1993), among other places.
Howard Zaharoff
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Is St. Nicholas the real author of ‘Shakespeare’ works? Over the years commentators have asked: who really authored the plays attributed to William Shakespeare? Some have answered “Francis … Read more

Lost Journal: Putting the Chore in Christmas Choral Arrangement

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Tim Mollen
Tim Mollen
Buy your copy of "Lost Journal - the Book" at www.timmollen.com.Each Lost Journal column is a journal entry written in retrospect. In other words, Mollen chooses a different day from his past, and writes about it as though it were today. The date may be last week, Halloween 1980, or the day he was born (May 4, 1969). Some of you may be asking, “But how would he have been able to write a journal entry on the day he was born?” To you he says: “Lighten up. It’s a humor column.” Mollen is a nationally syndicated columnist and actor, and he is available as a speaker on writing and humor.
Tim Mollen
Latest posts by Tim Mollen (see all)

Journal entry: December 15, 1978 (age 9) – Christmas Choral Arrangement Schnitzel with noodles has been bumped from the few of my favorite things.  By ditto paper.  It can … Read more

The Washington / Wall Street Mutual Backscratching Society

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Jim Hightower
Jim Hightower
National radio commentator, writer, public speaker, and author of the book, "Swim Against The Current: Even A Dead Fish Can Go With The Flow," Jim Hightower has spent three decades battling the Powers That Be on behalf of the Powers That Ought To Be - consumers, working families, environmentalists, small businesses, and just-plain-folks.

Twice elected Texas Agriculture Commissioner, Hightower is a modern-day Johnny Appleseed, spreading the message of progressive populism all across the American grassroots.

He broadcasts daily radio commentaries that are carried in more than 150 commercial and public stations and on the web.
Jim Hightower
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Revolving door: Wall Street bankers regulating themselves Timmy Geithner has landed. The Secretary of the Treasury in President Obama’s first term resigned early this year, and we lost … Read more

Snore Wars

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Roz Warren
Roz Warren
Roz Warren Roz is the author of Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library and Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection Of Library Humor. She writes for The New York Times and The Funny Times. Her work also appears in Good Housekeeping, The Christian Science Monitor, The Philadelphia Inquirer and of course, the Humor Times. Connect with her on Facebook, follow her on Twitter or visit her website.
Roz Warren
Latest posts by Roz Warren (see all)

You can’t snore in space – but that doesn’t help the earthbound. The man I love is as calm and pleasant as the day is long. He treats … Read more

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