CAC banner ad
Humor Times subscribe
Humor Times App

Diane de Anda


Diane de Anda is a third generation Latina and retired UCLA professor. Tired of cranking out technical articles in a "publish or perish" atmosphere, she now spends most of her time writing adult fiction, children's books, parody, and satire. Her weapon of choice is the limerick, aimed with humor and a touch of malice at society's icons, celebrities, politicians, and other irritating folk.

May 252017
 By , May 25, 2017

Trump demanded unusual security while at the Vatican to avoid contact with holy water and crucifixes.

In an ironic twist, it appears Donald Trump, the champion of the Christian Right, was visibly more uncomfortable during the Vatican visit than in Muslim or Jewish environments. Before agreeing to meet with the Pope, he had to be assured that the Pope had sworn on an ancient Bible that he would not sprinkle Trump with holy water. Just in case the Pope reneged on his promise, Trump wore a fire proof suit made specifically for the occasion.

Trump, Pope, VaticanHe asked that they meet in an area that had the fewest crosses or crucifixes. After noticing the one cross that remained in the room, his eyes rolled back in his head, which Melania had to hold firmly to keep from spinning around. In a low register voice that not even James Earl Jones could muster, he demanded that the cross be removed, after which he regained his “normal” appearance.

He told the pope that they were on the same page as far as abortion was concerned, with his defunding of programs throughout the world that support clinics that perform abortions. When the Pope asked him about the women who needed the clinics for medical purposes, he mumbled something about not being responsible for collateral damage.

In what he later described as a friendly attempt to compliment the pope, Trump waxed on about Pope Francis’ papal ring, saying that even though he prefers not to wear a wedding ring, he wouldn’t mind wearing “a beauty like that.” Later, he said that “his people would talk to the Pope’s people” to get the name of his jeweler.

When the Pope raised his hand to bless President Trump at the end of their meeting, Jared and Ivanka quickly jumped in front of him in case it was an attempt to drive out demons.

“Whew, that was a close one,” Trump remarked as they left. “He could have turned me into a Democrat.”

Mar 282017
 By , March 28, 2017
New Game Craze Inspired by Donald Trump

Donald Trump’s closing of his Time magazine interview with “Because I’m President, and you’re not!” has sparked a whole new game craze Donald Trump’s closing of his Time magazine interview with “Because I’m President, and you’re not!” has sparked a new game craze across the [more…]

Mar 172017
 By , March 17, 2017
Angela Merkel Belts Out Her True Feelings

BREAKING NEWS: Angela Merkel belted out her true feelings in the shower today. Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany, was recorded singing this variation of “Getting to Know You,” the Rodgers and Hammerstein song from the musical The King and I, in the shower: Getting to know [more…]

Feb 242017
 By , February 24, 2017
Trump to Extend Federal Protection to At-Risk Bully Students

Administration counters criticism by helping certain “at-risk” youth To try and stem all the criticism of the Trump administration for removing federal protection for transgender students, Sean Spicer announced to the press that “President Trump is issuing federal protection for an ignored group of at-risk [more…]

Feb 212017
 By , February 21, 2017
New Marketing Study Finds Keys to Success and Failure

Some products “Just miss the mark”: Marketing study New findings from a large marketing study have just been released by the UCLA School of Business and Management. They relate that in a highly competitive free enterprise economy, it was important to determine which products with [more…]

Feb 162017
 By , February 16, 2017
Trump Rails Against 'Fake President'

Alec Baldwin and SNL come under fire Trump has begun to realize that his overuse of the term “fake news” whenever anything critical of him is written in the press is getting old and losing its credibility, even with his supporters. He has decided to [more…]

Feb 162017
 By , February 16, 2017
President* Trump Grants Interview to Humor Times

The so-called president tells editor, “I’m glad you report ‘faux news,’ not ‘fake news!’” Reporter: “Is it true you’re going to reinstate waterboarding?” Trump: “Yes, I think it’s the only way we can bring the truth to the American people. We will be waterboarding members [more…]

Skip to toolbar