Putin Anounces ‘World’s Biggest Dick Contest,’ Expects to Win
World leaders quick to respond to Putin’s stiff challenge MOSCOW — Russian president Vladimir Putin announced in Moscow today that in light of World Cup fever, his government … Read more
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Tea Party Candidate Says Opponent Ate His Brain, Used It to Outsmart Him
Timothy Ray Murray admitted his Tea Party career could be enhanced by his now half a brain, however. Tea Party candidate Timothy Ray Murray has changed his tune, … Read more
Obama Responds Forcefully to Mocking ISIS Tweet, Declares Victory
“ISIS can wait, we’ve got a game to play in Brazil,” said the president, until he was informed of their mocking tweets. Responding today to questions regarding war-torn … Read more
Kim Jong Un Teaming Up with Robin Thicke
Robin Thicke latest celebrity taken in by undeniable Kim Jong Un charm On Friday evening, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un was heard asking a party member, “Why … Read more
Ann Coulter, Trying to Top Self, Agrees to Pose for Playboy
Ann Coulter finding it hard to follow up recent tricks, tries Playboy MANHATTAN — Playboy Enterprises announced today that annoying and almost universally despised author/columnist Ann Coulter will … Read more
World Cup Hemorrhaging Fans Due to Math Skills Prerequisite
Figuring out who advances just too much for many World Cup fans Every four years, the World Cup fan base gets smaller and smaller. The reason: mathematics. FIFA … Read more
Obama: Entire GOP Actually Represented by Body Double Zombies
Lukas was just the tip of the iceberg in body doubles, president says WASHINGTON, DC – House Republican leaders are in an uproar following President Obama’s claim that … Read more
Marco Polo Pool Game Cause of Numerous Deaths in Orlando
The children’s pool game, Marco Polo, is dangerously annoying. Joseph Puerile, 84, was rushed to Orlando Regional Medical Center, where he was later pronounced dead. The cause of … Read more
FIFA Condemns Cannabilism, Ruminates on Luis Suarez
FIFA chews over action against Luis Suarez RIO DE JANEIRO — FIFA today issued a statement soundly rejecting cannibalism “whether on the field or off,” and ordered Uruguayan … Read more
George Will Assaulted by Feminist ‘Swat’ Team: Gains Status, Privilege
George Will infamously said sexual victimhood confers status and privilege, now he proves it. Conservative columnist George Will was sexually assaulted by a six-woman squad of feminist “swat … Read more
