Writer Blames Inability to Write on Having Teeth Pulled
Chattering about writer’s block Pat Beekers has been wandering about her home feeling inadequate as a writer these days ever since she had all her teeth pulled. Little … Read more
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Guy Who Gives Free Back Rubs Takes ‘Misogynist’ Comment as Compliment
Don’t bother, guys, his free back rubs are only for the ladies. Albert Grohper is a bit handsy. According to a number of coworkers, though they live their … Read more
Russia: Obama Nixing ‘Red Line’ in Favor of ‘Squiggly Doodle’
“Red lines are so harsh and final,” says prez As Ukraine sits on the brink of a full-scale international conflict and Putin debates over whether or not to … Read more
7.5 Million Sign Up for Health Care; Coincidentally, 6 Million Share Biden’s IP Address
Joe Biden deflects praise for amazing health care numbers, saying, “It was nothing, really.” Of the 230 million people over the age of 18 living in America, approximately … Read more
Search for CNN Pulse Continues; Cable Station Off the Ratings Radar
Ever since Flight 370 trail went cold, signs of life at CNN weakening: Only 30 days for it to find new disaster before it runs out of juice … Read more
Michael Phelps Announces Comeback and “Bong-ercise” Exercise Book, DVD
Michael Phelps hopes “Bong-ercise” makes a big splash 22-time Olympic medal winner Michael Phelps made a big splash today announcing his comeback to competitive swimming. One of the … Read more
Dr. Seuss Inspiration for New Ted Cruz Book
Green eggs and ham Ted Cruz Texas Sen. Ted Cruz has announced a new book deal with HarperCollins that will purportedly earn him well into the six figures. … Read more
Predicted Yellowstone Cataclysm Comes to Pass, Cause Discovered
Scientists discover surprising cause of massive Yellowstone eruption The Weather Channel’s “Forecasting the End” had predicted a disaster, and it has come to pass. Now scientists have found … Read more
Beyonce Loses Nail in China, Provides for Local Family for a Year
Beyonce Knowles’ small loss is village’s huge gain Megastar Beyonce Knowles stopped over in China last week after the completion of her Mrs. Carter tour in the hopes … Read more
Congress to Dispense with Pretense, Transition to Wholly-Owned Corporate Subsidiary
In an effort to be more transparent, corporate-owner logos will now be worn in Congress, NASCAR-style. WASHINGTON, DC – Speaker of the House John Boehner announced today that … Read more
