Mitch McConnell Returns to Galápagos Islands to Save His Species

Mitch McConnell Returns to Galápagos Islands to Save His Species

Trying to salvage his reputation by actually accomplishing something, Mitch McConnell returns home. WASHINGTON, DC — Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, after failing to repeal Obamacare or reform taxes, has decided he will return to … Read moreMitch McConnell Returns to Galápagos Islands to Save His Species

Leonardo DiCaprio Warns Deporting Dreamers Could Leave Them ‘Stuck in a Dream’

Leonardo DiCaprio Warns Deporting Dreamers Could Leave Them ‘Stuck in a Dream’

DiCaprio sparks more controversy over Dreamers HOLLYWOOD, CA — After having criticized Trump over his energy policies, actor Leonardo DiCaprio has gotten behind a new issue: Trump’s deportation of the dreamers. “Look, I know a … Read moreLeonardo DiCaprio Warns Deporting Dreamers Could Leave Them ‘Stuck in a Dream’

Trump to Return Melania for Refund During Slovenia Trip

Trump to Return Melania for Refund During Slovenia Trip

The real reason Donald Trump is making a last minute trip to Slovenia, Melania’s birthplace It has long been believed that President Donald Trump, who has described his own hair as resembling ‘a wet raccoon,’ … Read moreTrump to Return Melania for Refund During Slovenia Trip

Ossoff Still Working at ‘Flipping the Sixth,’ but Now for Wendy’s

Ossoff Still Working at ‘Flipping the Sixth,’ but Now for Wendy’s

Jon Ossoff has been reduced to flipping Wendy’s 1/6th pounder ATLANTA — Jon Ossoff, following an embarrassing defeat to Karen Handel in his attempt to “flip” Georgia’s 6th Congressional District to the Democrats, is now … Read moreOssoff Still Working at ‘Flipping the Sixth,’ but Now for Wendy’s

Angela Merkel Gives Up on World After One Day with Trump

Angela Merkel Gives Up on World After One Day with Trump

There is no hope for the world, German leader Angela Merkel has decided, after spending time with the U.S. president. BERLIN, Germany — After spending an entire day with Trump, Angela Merkel has announced she … Read moreAngela Merkel Gives Up on World After One Day with Trump

Trump in Israel: Disappointed at Failing to Find New Accountant

Trump in Israel: Disappointed at Failing to Find New Accountant

‘Feeling righteous’ – Trump in Israel TEL AVIV — After saying he only trusts “short guys in yarmulkes” to count his money, Donald Trump in Israel was dismayed to find that no one in that … Read moreTrump in Israel: Disappointed at Failing to Find New Accountant

Trump Invited to Russian Sleepovers After Revealing US Secrets

Trump Invited to Russian Sleepovers After Revealing US Secrets

Trump’s best buds in Russia invite him over to share more fun and secrets MOSCOW — While many across the US have expressed indignation over Trump’s loose lips with Russian officials concerning state secrets, the … Read moreTrump Invited to Russian Sleepovers After Revealing US Secrets

James Comey, Out of Job, Pursues Life Passion: Resolving Email Issues

James Comey, Out of Job, Pursues Life Passion: Resolving Email Issues

WASHINGTON, DC — Former FBI Director James Comey, after rejecting job offers from Russia, China, Iran and even North Korea, decided to pursue his life’s passion of resolving private email issues, signing on with Comcast. … Read moreJames Comey, Out of Job, Pursues Life Passion: Resolving Email Issues

Retired Obama Can’t Afford Obamacare

Retired Obama Can’t Afford Obamacare

After Obama lost his government health insurance, he found he couldn’t afford Obamacare WASHINGTON, DC — In an ironic turn of events, President Obama has begun selling his belongings in order to afford healthcare coverage … Read moreRetired Obama Can’t Afford Obamacare

Humor Times: 'World's Funniest News Source'