New iPhone X Allows Baby Boomers to Complain about Medicare-for-All from Comfort of Free Doctor Visit

New iPhone X Allows Baby Boomers to Complain about Medicare-for-All from Comfort of Free Doctor Visit

Apple’s surprise announcement of the iPhone X finally let’s the War Babies publicly decry public assistance to anyone but them. Apple introduced three new iPhone models this week, but only one optimally allows Baby Boomers … Read moreNew iPhone X Allows Baby Boomers to Complain about Medicare-for-All from Comfort of Free Doctor Visit

Too Early to Rule Out Awesome, Gore-rific Shark Attack on Vacant Boat Floating Eerily in Harbor

Too Early to Rule Out Awesome, Gore-rific Shark Attack on Vacant Boat Floating Eerily in Harbor

Law enforcement officials say it is way too early to eliminate a badass shark attack as the cause for an abandoned boat spookily floating in the harbor of Martha’s Vineyard. In view of locals and … Read moreToo Early to Rule Out Awesome, Gore-rific Shark Attack on Vacant Boat Floating Eerily in Harbor

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Scared Sh*tless After Playing ‘Bloody Mary’ Game

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Scared Sh*tless After Playing ‘Bloody Mary’ Game

After repeating ‘Bloody Mary’ three times in front of mirror, Sarah Huckabee Sanders swears she saw something. Curled up in comfy jammies with a flashlight under her chin silhouetting her face, White House Spokeswoman Sarah … Read moreSarah Huckabee Sanders Scared Sh*tless After Playing ‘Bloody Mary’ Game

Betsy DeVos Eliminates School Principal Position, Sends Students Straight to Hell

Betsy DeVos Eliminates School Principal Position, Sends Students Straight to Hell

New Education Secretary Betsy DeVos has a message for the children of America: go to hell. Under new federal guidelines, the Department of Education will eliminate all school principal positions, a move Betsy DeVos says … Read moreBetsy DeVos Eliminates School Principal Position, Sends Students Straight to Hell

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