[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

CDC Issues Tea-Rump Fever Alert

Agency warns: You may be infected with Tea-Rump fever if…

The Center for Disease Control has issued an alert for a possible resurgence of the very dangerous Tea-Rump fever.

Tea-Rump Fever Alert

The sickness, a subvariant of Fox-Pox and closely related to Assed-Reflex syndrome, causes mental confusion and derangement as well as long-term, irreversible brain erosion.

Symptoms include extreme stupidity, nonsensical, delusional ramblings and rude, aggressive, often violent behavior. If left untreated it can lead to social isolation, imprisonment or confinement, and, in extreme cases, eternal damnation.

Although the majority of Americans have developed a herd-immunity to Tea-Rump fever, a significant number of Republicans are still extremely vulnerable. According to the CDC, you may be infected with Tea-Rump fever if…

…you have a red MAGA hat and a matching red, white and blue clown outfit.

…you complain about “Biden’s economy” and then waste your money on cheap, over-priced, foreign-made Trump merchandise.

…you miss Tucker Carlson and Bill O’Reilly and hope they someday run for public office.

…you think NRA stands for Non Response Ability.

…your favorite holiday is April Fools Day.

…you express your 1st amendment rights by telling others what they can’t say.

…you claim book-banning protects children, then refuse to get them vaccinated.

…you hate unions, especially gay ones.

…you celebrate Earth Day by recycling old, worn-out global warming denials.

…you’re so extremely pro-life that you believe all abortion doctors should be executed.

…you like to punctuate your opinions with gunfire.

…you think it’s disgraceful how Black Lives Matter discriminates against poor innocent white folk.

…you support anti-wokeness because you sometimes like to sleep late.

…you change the subject to Hunter Biden (or Hillary Clinton) whenever Donald Trump gets caught red-handed in criminal activities.

…you’ve become convinced that democracy is way too liberal and out of control.

…you think that the Constitution should be replaced with a Trump loyalty oath.

…you argue it’s okay to try to overthrow the government so long as you’re a good, loyal, patriotic American.

…you believe Trump is innocent because he said he is. And he should know!

Ralph Lombard
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