Lost Journal: The Halloween Costume Piece Accords of 1973
Journal entry: October 31, 1973 (age 4) – Halloween Costume Accords As I admired my new Halloween costume in the mirror, I said, “Ri ruv Ralloreen.” To play Scooby-Doo, … Read more
funny
Human Robocall Machine Breaks Down
Woman suffers PST after making thousands of anti-Mitch McConnell robocalls A California woman is resting comfortably in LA General Hospital after suffering an ailment that until now had … Read more
Scary Masks: Midterm Elections and Halloween
The midterm elections and Halloween are similar: both events highlight tricks and treats Hey everybody. The Midterms Are Coming! Or rather: the midterms are coming. To be most … Read more
Riots and Mayhem After Scientists Announce Lab-Grown Penis
‘Designer Dicks’ to be tested on penis-envying volunteers WINSTON-SALEM NC — Civil unrest broke out today at the gates of the Wake Forest Institute for Regenerative Medicine, Winston-Salem, … Read more
Why I’m Not Going on the Lena Dunham Circus Book Tour
I won’t be an opening act for Lena Dunham’s new book tour. Here’s why. I’m not that kind of girl. I hate taking off my clothes in public. … Read more
Lost Journal: First Impressions of a Third-Grade Talent Show
Journal entry: February 18, 1977 (age 7) – Talent Show Tiddly, winky, winky, winky Tiddly, winky, woo I love you. This kind of groveling before the judges was … Read more
Donald Chump
Donald Trump, billionaire douchebag, fooled again Donald Trump, the billionaire douchebag, has said he “may sue and severely assault” a Twitter user who fooled him into retweeting a … Read more
Lost Journal: A Pointless Bit of Yard Work Spawns Two Backyard Becketts
Journal entry: September 10, 1988 (age 19) – Yard Work During 13 years in the Catholic School system, I got used to having days off on and around … Read more
Ripping the Headlines Today, 9/29/14
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is … Read more
