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Rick Blum

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Rick Blum has been writing humorous prose and poetry for more than 25 years during stints as a nightclub owner, high-tech manager, market research mogul and, most recently, alter kaker. Currently, he is holed up in his Massachusetts office trying to pen the perfect bio, which he plans to share as soon as he stops laughing at the sheer futility of this effort.

May 072017
 
 By , May 7, 2017

Please Take Donald Trump’s Phone

Donald Trump phonePlease won’t someone take Donald Trump’s phone
Tell him we just want to be left alone
No more snide tweets in the thick of the night
Or vicious attacks that give us a fright

We want a prez who acts dignified
Not one who writes like his brain has been fried
Instead of tweetin’ whatever he’s thinkin’
He should be aping leaders like Lincoln

Governing’s hard, it wearies the best
Go bind up his thumbs, the man needs some rest
Four years is too long to keep up this shtick
We need a huuuge break, it’s making us sick

Without daily tweets life may be weak tea
Which is how us losers prefer it to be
Believe me silence would be a sweet tone
So please won’t someone take Donald Trump’s phone

Jan 162017
 
 By , January 16, 2017
Post Post-Truth: A Poem

Post Post-Truth There once was a time it pains me to say when facts were demeaned and truth was passé Words were adornments designed to excite not to enlighten or prove wrong from right The news was all fake but nobody cared ’cause others got [more…]

Sep 162016
 
 By , September 16, 2016
Trump Announces 'Doctor' Tour

NEW YORK — After a wildly successful appearance on the Dr. Oz show to discuss his extraordinary health, Donald Trump has announced that he plans to visit many more distinguished “doctors” in the coming weeks to discuss a wide range of topics relevant to the presidential race, including: [more…]

Aug 032016
 
 By , August 3, 2016
Health Issues Knock Trump from Race

Trump says he ‘deserves a Purple Heart’ for the pain he’s enduring. TRUMP TOWER, MANHATTAN – In a hastily-arranged press conference that has shaken up the presidential race once again, Republican standard-bearer Donald Trump announced that he is withdrawing his candidacy for President of the [more…]

Mar 182016
 
 By , March 18, 2016

How big is it? Just how long is Donald Trump’s schlong If I said just an inch, would I be wrong Or maybe it is as big as King Kong’s But surely not a whopping furlong For if it were it wouldn’t take long For [more…]

Jan 132016
 
 By , January 13, 2016
Poem: 'Primarily Independent'

I am feeling put upon Pushed to state whose side I’m on Think the whole thing’s just a con I’m an Independent voter Watching one speech, then another I can’t pick which pol I druther Maybe I’ll just ask my mother I’m an Independent voter [more…]

Nov 042015
 
 By , November 4, 2015
Next Republican Debate Features Two New Surprise Entrants

Reworked format and new entrants featured at this evening’s Republican debate Dateline: N.H., Feb.8, 2016 Hello everyone and welcome to the 37th presidential Republican debate sponsored by NotchTV, your source for all things frozen. I’m your moderator Wendell Wellsted, and in just three hours. Dixville [more…]

Oct 182014
 
 By , October 18, 2014
Memoir Mania

An ode to the audacity of dough in recent political memoirs The talk shows all trumpet a shocking vendetta revealed in the memoir by Leon Panetta the truth is less venal, you really should know he took up the pen just to make heaps of [more…]

Jun 262014
 
 By , June 26, 2014
Blame Game: The All American Sport (a Poem)

The Blame Game: It’s how we roll   Iraq is afire as ISIS runs wild Inducing a flood of political bile Lacking ideas to put out the flame Pols look to finger someone to blame   Obama’s at fault, intones the far right He shouldn’t [more…]

May 162014
 
 By , May 16, 2014
Republicans Cry Benghazi - A Poem

Republicans Cry Benghazi Mother earth just keeps getting hotter Superstorms can’t be held at bay Drought is spreading all across the midlands Time for action fast slipping away And Republicans whisper Benghazi The economy it lolls in the doldrums Unemployment has barely declined One percenters [more…]

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