Mitch McConnell

Ripping the Headlines Today, 7/28/20

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Ripping the Headlines Today, 7/28/20
Paul Lander
Paul Lander
Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of -- winning the Noble Peace Prize or sending Congolese gynecologist Dr. Denis Mukwege to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of African women in war-torn countries. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has written for Weekly Humorist, National Lampoon, American Bystander, Huff Post Comedy, McSweeney's, Bombeck Writers Workshop Blog and the Humor Times, written and/or produced for multiple TV shows and written standup material that's been performed on Maher, The Daily Show, Colbert, Kimmel, etc. Now, on to Paul's time-commanding Special Forces in Khandahar… (See all of Paul's "Ripping the Headlines Today" columns here.)
Paul Lander
Latest posts by Paul Lander (see all)

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is … Read more

Coronavirus Relief Negotiations Stall Over Cap on Thoughts & Prayers

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Coronavirus Relief Negotiations Stall Over Cap on Thoughts & Prayers
Evan Helmlinger
Evan Helmlinger
A writer by trade and a wisecracker by necessity, Evan relies on a well-timed joke to get him out of awkward situations, traffic tickets, and the occasional hostage crisis.
Evan Helmlinger
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Negotiations stall between Senate Republicans and Democrats over a controversial limit on federally-provided thoughts and prayers. Days of talks between Senate Republicans and Democrats saw negotiations stall as … Read more

The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Senator Mitch ‘Turtle’ McConnell

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The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Senator Mitch ‘Turtle’ McConnell
Dean Kaner
Dean Kaner
Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.
Dean Kaner
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Wherein our intrepid talk show host interviews Kentucky Senator Mitch “Turtle” McConnell, from his pond in Louisville. ANNOUNCER Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The … Read more

This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: The Uninvited Guess

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This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: The Uninvited Guess
Ralph Lombard
Ralph Lombard
I was born a young baby. Then I grew up. Then I grew confused. Then I grew tired. I'm a 20th century man who's somehow been transported to the 21st century, with one foot in the gone past and the other in the here now. I started my blog mymanymoodsofme toward the end of 2012. There I write humorous essays, stories and poems (lyrics from my songs), in addition to my aphorisms. It's good work... if you get it. In my spare time I play chess, write songs, and reflect upon what I see. I'm very happy to be colluding with Humor Times, and hope you enjoy the result. Cheers!
Ralph Lombard
Latest posts by Ralph Lombard (see all)

An ignorant, unwanted and uninvited guess plagues U.S. If you don’t mind, please don’t tell me what you think. How stupid is Trump? How dark is black? If … Read more

Senate Republicans Introduce COVID-19 Cowbell Law

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Senate Republicans Introduce COVID-19 Cowbell Law
David Suter
David Suter
Dave Suter is an essayist and social commentator specializing in translating the shadows on the walls of Plato’s cave into editorial prose. He lives in Ohio where he watches a vast mountain of essays and unpaid bills not resolve itself into the Great American Novel─or a paycheck.
David Suter
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New “Cowbell Law” legislation will replace self-quarantine rules, say Senate Republicans. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R- Kentucky) announced today the introduction in the Senate of new cowbell … Read more

The (Satirical) Trump Overthrow Coup!

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The (Satirical) Trump Overthrow Coup!
Marilyn Sands
Marilyn Sands
Marilyn Sands is a former 80's Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker. Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights. Was up one night & wrote 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play. Her hilarious book "CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS" On-Line Dating Straight Lines is on amazon.com/dp/1733487409And, "OWNING THE STAGE, RENTING THE BALLS"!My Life as a Funny Girlis on amazon.com/dp/1733487417"Living proofyou don't have to be a success to write a Memoir"!And yes, this bio is my OBIT too!haha
Marilyn Sands
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The cooped-up American people have spoken & Mitch McConnell has responded! Listen in as he and his cohorts plan a Trump overthrow! When our Savior, Dr. Anthony Fauci … Read more

Trump Plays ‘Hot Potato’ with Mike Pence!

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Trump Plays ‘Hot Potato’ with Mike Pence!
Marilyn Sands
Marilyn Sands
Marilyn Sands is a former 80's Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker. Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights. Was up one night & wrote 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play. Her hilarious book "CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS" On-Line Dating Straight Lines is on amazon.com/dp/1733487409And, "OWNING THE STAGE, RENTING THE BALLS"!My Life as a Funny Girlis on amazon.com/dp/1733487417"Living proofyou don't have to be a success to write a Memoir"!And yes, this bio is my OBIT too!haha
Marilyn Sands
Latest posts by Marilyn Sands (see all)

Mike Pence bravely accepts all pandemics with Grace – unless his Mrs. finds out! Don’t say Donald Trump doesn’t know how to delegate.  For the latest crisis, he … Read more

Capitol Dome to Become World’s Biggest Tit

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Capitol Dome to Become World’s Biggest Tit
Ralph Lombard
Ralph Lombard
I was born a young baby. Then I grew up. Then I grew confused. Then I grew tired. I'm a 20th century man who's somehow been transported to the 21st century, with one foot in the gone past and the other in the here now. I started my blog mymanymoodsofme toward the end of 2012. There I write humorous essays, stories and poems (lyrics from my songs), in addition to my aphorisms. It's good work... if you get it. In my spare time I play chess, write songs, and reflect upon what I see. I'm very happy to be colluding with Humor Times, and hope you enjoy the result. Cheers!
Ralph Lombard
Latest posts by Ralph Lombard (see all)

Republicans plan Capitol dome renovation to celebrate Trump’s acquittal. To celebrate President Trump’s impeachment acquittal, Senate Republicans have vowed to convert Washington DC’s Capitol dome into a giant … Read more

Special, New Holiday for Trump Because He Is So Special

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Special, New Holiday for Trump Because He Is So Special
Roger Freed
Roger Freed
rfreed has a fertile, if somewhat warped, imagination. Read him at your own risk! More laugh gaffes available at Semi-Humorous Humor
!!!!!Buy 'The Alaska Papers' from lulu.com. Only $10 !!!!! An almost funny publication!
Roger Freed
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Trump requests a special day just for him, separate from President’s Day. Our feckless leader, Prosidentia Trump, is upset because he wants to stand above the other former … Read more

Trump’s Valentine Tweets

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Trump’s Valentine Tweets
David Martin
David Martin
Dave's political satire and short humor have appeared in most major North American newspapers. He is also the author of several humor collections including "Dare to be Average", "Screams & Whispers" and "King Donald I" available on Amazon.
David Martin
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On Valentine’s Day, most folks exchange cards. However, we expect President Trump to send out Valentine tweets instead, like these: Donald Trump to the Electoral College The Midwest … Read more

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